Black Ops 6 is Coming!

A Snarky Overview & Slightly Useful Update Post!

Be sure to tune in and watch Team No Fear Co-Owner, Wellsie, grind his way through the leaderboards on Twitch HERE!

Get ready, sweaty gamers! Black Ops 6 is dropping soon, and if you’ve ever wanted to shell out another $70 for slightly shinier graphics and the same ol’ gameplay, boy, do we have a treat for you! Long download times and expected server issues included in the price! Why do we keep paying money for this? Well, because we love toxic chats, not sleeping, un-aliving people in realistic ways while gaming, and the general chaos that ensues with each new COD release and grind! Get your gamer fuel ready and prepare to be delightfully miserable while you compete for imaginary gaming ranks to feed your ego.

New Campaign Features?  
This time around, prepare for an entirely new campaign that promises to be *totally different*—you know, just like the last five campaigns. Expect the same blend of convoluted plots and absurdly over-the-top action that somehow never seems to get old. Spoiler alert: it involves more exploding cars and “twists” like High-Stakes Heists. Nothing screams high-stakes like a linear mission where you know exactly what’s coming next. Will you stealthily sneak past guards or just barrel through like a bull in a china shop? Spoiler: it’ll probably be the latter.

And cloak-and-dagger spy activity? Well, who doesn’t love a bit of espionage in their run-and-gun shooting fest? Just don’t expect any actual nuance—this is Call of Duty, after all. It’ll be more about the “cloak” and less about the “dagger,” because sneaking around is for other games, not for a franchise that thrives on chaos. So, buckle up for a campaign that promises to thrill you with the same old tropes dressed up in shiny new graphics. Because who needs storytelling or character development when everyone is racing through the campaign because they have to, anyway?

Multiplayer Mayhem
Ah, multiplayer, the heart and soul of the franchise! Brace yourselves for more maps than you can shake a stick at, though don’t get too excited—most of them will feel eerily similar to that one map you played in Black Ops 4. They’re bringing back fan-favorite modes, because who doesn’t want to relive the past when the future looks this uninspired? Check out the million ways to hate this game while you love it on the official website.

16 New Maps! Whoopa-de-doo-daaaa
That’s right, folks! A whopping 16 new maps are ready for your “expert” skills. You’ll have 12 core 6v6 maps to explore, plus 4 Strike maps that promise the thrill of playing 2v2 or 6v6, depending on your mood—or how many friends you can convince to join your virtual deathmatch. Because nothing says “innovation” like more ways to shoot at the same targets over and over until you pass out from not eating, drinking enough, or sleeping!

Omnimovement Cha Cha Cha

But wait, there’s more! Enter “Omnimovement,” the shiny new movement mechanic that lets players sprint diagonally, effectively turning you into a virtual gazelle as you dodge bullets. Yes, you could technically move in those directions before, but it usually involved backpedaling like a drunken crab in a hurry. With Omnimovement, including "intelligent movement" and "corner slicing" so you can now zip around corners with grace, aka "easy mode"! Sounds fancy, right? Let’s break it down.

Intelligent movement is like your overachieving friend who automates all the mundane tasks—only this time, it’s your character vaulting over walls and sprinting forward without needing to whip out a manual. Want to scramble over small barriers but not the Great Wall of China? No problem! You can customize it, because who doesn’t love tinkering with settings like you’re adjusting your grandmother's ancient TV?

But here’s where it gets spicy: with all this automated action, one can’t help but wonder if players will accidentally outpace themselves into oblivion. Imagine sprinting into the enemy spawn point because you got a little too comfortable with the “set it and forget it” approach. And let’s not even get started on the inevitable grumbling from veterans who’ll claim that all these features are dumbing down the game. Because obviously, the real challenge is deciding whether to jump or sprint, right? And everyone that is good is a cheater, RIGHT???

Prestige-ious?
And let’s talk about the “revamped” Prestige system! Get hyped for a return to tradition that promises to be bigger and more rewarding than ever. Because when you think of Call of Duty, what really gets your heart racing is that grind to reach a rank that ultimately means nothing outside of this digital playground, unless you play actual eSports and get paid doing it. But, who doesn’t want to feel the sweet thrill of unlocking a shiny badge for hours of pixelated slaughter? I mean, this could be your ticket to becoming a full time streamer, right??? And I can totally start an eSports team and play competitively with barely any work, right???

Microtransactions For You and You and You!
Let’s not forget the return of everyone's favorite feature: microtransactions! Now you can pay even more to customize your weapons that will still look exactly the same in-game because, let’s be real, it’s all about the bragging rights. “Oh, look at my shiny skin! I paid $20 for it!” Good job, homeslice. Way to earn it! Because $70 wasn't enough, even for me! I need that skin! (this is actually true, I do need it)

Zombies: For Those of Us Who Suck at Leaderboards
The beloved zombie mode returns—thankfully! This is the playground for people who just can't handle the toxic mess, sky high skill levels (aka cheaters/bots), and hate the grind of Multiplayer (like me!). Nothing screams originality like rehashing the same undead-hunting mechanics while pretending it’s a groundbreaking feature. Expect new maps and modes that will surely be more of a grind than a good time. Read more on the official website here. PS - The new zombie maps actually look fun, and the new HUD is welcome update! See? Something positive! I can be positive!

In summary, Black Ops 6 is shaping up to be the same ol’ dance we’ve been doing for years. New coat of paint? Check. Same repetitive mechanics? Double check. More ways to spend cash on skins? Checkity check check. Long download times, glitches, and server issues expected? CHECKMATE. But, a few promising changes like Omnimovement may make a big difference in the game, and we shall see how the sweats respond!  

So, if you’re ready to pay for nostalgia wrapped in an all-too-familiar package, then gear up! Just remember to check your bank account before diving in, and HYDRATE during your 32 hour binge with no sleep when the game launches.

Speaking of LAUNCHING: BO6 is live OCT 25TH at the times below - be sure to tune in and watch Team No Fear Co-Owner, Wellsie, grind his way through the game and leaderboards on Twitch HERE!

• Los Angeles: October 24 at 9PM (PT)
• Mexico City: October 24 at 10PM (CST)
• New York: October 25 at 12AM (EDT)
• São Paulo: October 25 at 1AM (BRT)
• London: October 25 at 5AM (BST)
• Paris: October 25 at 6AM (CEST)
• Johannesburg: October 25 at 6AM (SAST)
• Dubai: October 25 at 8AM (GST)
• Seoul: October 25 at 1PM (KST)
• Tokyo: October 25 at 1PM (JST)
• Sydney: October 25 at 3PM (AEDT)

AUTHOR: Cozy Potato (Claire), who enjoys trolling her beloved sweaty COD player friends and actually enjoys Zombies maps, but possibly not enough to pay full price for the game for it. She also designed this shirt just for all of you COD lovers out there (click for details):